Overcoming parental mental abuse is difficult, especially when it is common. The severity of being abused by a parent or parents sometimes aren’t noticeable until your health is at steak or it begins to ruin your marriage or relationship. It makes you hate your partner, disrespect your partner, even not trust and believe in your partner. I see it time and time again, I go through it time and time again. Is it fair? Is it logical? Is it my fault? Sooner than later this abuse has to stop, how?
Fact is, all families have issues and dark secrets. However, it is the way those issues and dark secrets are handled that makes all the difference. Every parent have experienced at least one disappointment in their life time, does that mean because it happened multiple times it has to be taken out on the child? Believe it or not, I love the saying, “Do onto others what you want done onto you”. This is something I live by, I strongly believe it. The way a parent talks to their child, has a lot to do with how they feel about themselves, furthermore, it shows what kind of parent they are.
You can’t expect belittling or even talking negative about your child bring that child to respect you, or not react to your ways in a way that isn’t anger or sadness. It’s not logical. It’s not logical to think it is okay to belittle your child by calling them useless or not trusting their decisions by consistently trying to make decisions for them, because you feel you make better decisions, and get angry when they do their own thing?!
What is the proper way to live? How are you living your life? Are you perfect? I want to know these things since your life is flawless with no mistakes. I want to know how appealing your marriage or relationship is.
You can’t expect to help your child when there is constant mental abuse. Preferably, mental abuse is worst than physical abuse. Words stick to the heart like the beats of a rhythm. Words carry a persons self-esteem high or low. Words are heard through the brain that remembers everything. It pictures the face expression and voice of who’s saying it. Then it slaps itself when it’s hurt by someone they love or care about; it begins to believe those words every time when it become brainwashed.
This is a song of a mentally abused child.
A mentally abused child can be an adult. The abuser obviously believes their adult child is still an adolescent. They try to take control and run the life of their child. They are actually ashamed of them. The abuser still lives in the past, they are grudge holders. They blame every body else for their misery, because they can’t live with their guilt, pain, sorrow. The abuser actually isn’t living the life they want, so they demand making their child live the life they wanted to live. They consider themselves a great parent, not knowing they lack some great parenting skills.
Does this mean they are still great parents? Even when they say anything they feel like to their child without thinking about their emotions and how words are powerful?
The song of a mentally abused adult child beats stabbing wounds beside their heart, dull pain in the middle of their chest wall, and breathing that can’t be caught on beat. The song drags along side the distant road searching for freedom and peace. It cries for help silently over the abuser words wishing they could hear. It sometimes violently erupts like a deep, dark volcano ready to release it’s poison, then, feel guilty for doing so.
How so, when a person can only take so much?
How can you tell if you’re being mentally abused?
Verbal Assault: This is when parents take everything to the extreme. They blow your flaws out of proportions, make fun of you, call you names, criticize you or belittle you.
Emotional Neglect: This is when a parent gives you all of your physical and material needs, but completely neglect your emotional ones. Not only do they support your physically and material needs, but talk about you.
Unrealistic Expectations: This occurs when the parent tries to force the child into being someone he/she isn’t.
Invalidation: This is when a parent makes their child feel like their opinions or concerns are always wrong. They make a child feel stupid or undeserving.
Steps you can take to handle mental abuse
1. Keep a journal and write your feelings and thoughts
2. Talk to the abuser about how you feel
3. Get counseling
4. Talk to someone
5. Remove yourself away from them (if you can)